There's a place on ocean avenue...

So today was the beach trip. It started out slow, I mean first I was wondering why we left so late, but once we got on the road, the adventure began. Met Jonamir and we won the alphabet game in the car. I think it was because Hector gave us the Ques in Antiques (well it was technically a word since the 'ti' was missing). We arrived at the beach and yea, set up shop. The rest of our party came and eventually we all conjugated together.

The ocean was so vast. Remember the hill I was talking about in an earlier post? Well that was nothing compared to how I feel about the ocean. I love the ocean actually. Being a water sign, I felt quite at home in the ocean. I didn't like the jellyfishes though, but after they disappeared, I went skipping and jumping into the waves. I mean it was cold and my hands and feet turned numb, but I didn't feel anything. It was quite refreshing actually and I didn't feel anything until I got out of the water for good and went to change. Then suddenly it turned too cold for me and I no longer wanted to go back into the water, it hurt to walk. But the allure of the ocean remains. Then we huddled together for warmth. And I felt so warm. :) The ride however consisted of Hector and me belting songs over and over again. Ronny joined in whenever he wanted to. In 'N Out came into our night and we sat there for an hour doing nothing and it felt good. The entire trip was so good to me. I'm sure other people don't agree, but I had a good time and the memories are going to be preserved. Forever and ever in my heart.

Silencer

Haven't slept at night for a long while. Usually I fall asleep after midnight nowadays and been stealing some rest time in class. I need to stop doing that, it's unhealthy. Today was Junior Exchange banquet and it was memorable. Not because I got a cord, not because I got food, it was memorable because I got to sit on top of the world with my best friend and breathe. We didn't even have to talk or anything, we just sat there listening to her phone play song after song and sang when we knew the lyrics, looked blankly out towards the horizon when we didn't. I stared towards the horizon, basked in the morning sun, and my breath escaped. I've been higher and seen more places, but at this point in my life, it was enough to make me feel moved. The feeling was as wonderful as I could describe. The feeling of not having to think as I stared out into the open space; the feeling that no one needs you at the very moment and you have a few sacred seconds to revel in emptiness.

The horizon looked so close when I stared out. It made me wonder if we live in such a small world after all. Then, I look at all the houses that are between me and the horizon and realize how far away we are. How far away I'll be and the enormity of the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. But I felt nothing at that very moment, still reveling in the welcomed silence of the world and the silence in my head. And then her phone rang and we had to scurry back to the banquet area where everyone clapped like polite machines for people who got certificates and cords. I yearn for that silence again, the chance to give into idleness and not think for awhile.

Painting today took almost forever to do as I had to duplicate the same shade of blue over and over again while I had to make sure that the greens were not the same over and over again. It seems I am not cut out for painting. That I will not accept and if I ever have the chance to paint something else, would gladly take up the offer until I finally get it right. And mark my word, I will get it right one day.

I look forward to the beach trip tomorrow. I want to see everyone having fun. There's been so much this and so much that lately that I feel like a trip away from everything seems appropriate. I await it with bated breath. It seems like a good day to smile and laugh genuinely. I need to remember to remind them to bring my camera. I want to save this memory forever and a day more. I want to remember what happened, and even if it doesn't turn out exactly the way I see it in my head, I won't let anything ruin the day. My mind needs a rest.

The silence tempts me.

The Last Day of the Second to the Last Week

So I finished it at last. It took me two days even though I was given a whole week (or something around there in case I miscalculated) to finish and now I can rest. Well I'm sure after everything I've written, it doesn't mean anything at all, and there won't be anything to say at all, but I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my chest. I've been given the opportunity to put everything that I feel out there and everything that I have stored in my head in the form of thoughts are laid out on the table waiting for someone -daring for them- to get a better hand. Now I feel as though there's nothing left to say. Like I can slowly start breathing again and was holding my breath the last few weeks waiting to see what would happen; would I sink or swim?

I am still treading waters. I am still skating on thin ice.

And I don't even know it

So my friend told me why my other friend was acting all weird around me. It kind of makes me laugh since it never occurred to me that way. I mean, I guess I'm just over-friendly by nature. I don't want to give someone the impression that I'm desperate or that I'm trying too hard or something since I really am not. I just want to be myself and yea. x) I guess I do come on strong or something so I should really watch what I do and say nowadays, especially with only one more week of school left.

Constellations

Constellations

let me tell you
what you mean to me
you're like the music to my soul
my harmony

When i'm on the fast track
you're the one who can make me feel relaxed
cuz you give me something to believe

pre chorus
can't you see
that you're my everything
my concentration relaxation
you're just the remedy that i need

chorus
you're the constellations
the north star that guides me through the night
piece me back together
with those imaginary starlit lines
Foundd my way back to myself because of you
so stay my friend till the very end
cuz i know we can make it through

the things i do for you
makes me cry on the inside
its not intentional
but i just can't fight it

and i'll be there if you fall
im just another phone call
away
when ur down
i'll be around
to say its ok


pre chorus
chorus

My dear friend is going through tribulations and turmoils right now, and though I know I've done a sucky job of being a friend these days. So many people need my help and I can't offer them much but a listening ear, nothing but sympathy. I hate not being able to do anything. She wrote me such a good song too. I mean, it made my heart jump to know that she even wrote a song for me. And that I mean something to her. I hope that our friendship continues to blossom. She means a lot to me too, and though I can't write songs, I can share my thoughts in a poetic sense, just nothing is in my mind right now. Just thoughts, like always. A neverending broken record, replaying the same thoughts over and over. She made my day, my week, like she will never know. And though I can't do anything but lend my ears to her problems, I hope that she understands, I'll be there for her through thick and thin and nothing can stop me from that.

Now let me tell you
What you mean to me:
The gentle hand upon my shoulder
You give tranquility.

When the world turns away,
I can find you standing there
With arms reached out
Willing to listen, willing to care

I can tell you
Whatever thought floats through my mind
Knowing that you will be there
To offer advice you find.

You're so different
From everyone I've ever met.
Someone I can't live without,
You've got me obssessed.

From the way you sing
Your heart out to me,
I feel as though I can relax,
As though I can breathe.

From how you tell me things
I know are hard to say
But I feel honored
That you entrust them to me anyways.

Let me tell you,
What you mean to me:
The light in my life,
Stability.

Exordium:// Beginning

So finally in the mood to start blogging about my life again for the world to see. Well, whoever cares anyways. This is the beginning of the end of high school, the beginning of summer, the beginning of college, and of course, the beginning of this blog's life (may it be long and fruitful). Moving on...

I wanna believe in a being up there. Someone who can look down, see me standing here searching the skies, and answer my questions. I just want to know why some things happen the way they do. Why does she have to go through more right now? Right when I'm leaving. Why is it that I must leave when she needs me the most? Not that she'll admit it after all, being such a strong willed person. Yet, I can't help but look to the future with uncertainty. What lies waiting for us? For all of us? If there is a being up there looking down on me, I wish that person would give me a sign, an answer, anything.

Can't really think straight these days. I've been wondering if all these thoughts cooped up in my heads won't cause me to implode one day. Been thinking about him, not more than usual, but I thought I should note that for future references. I've been thinking about my bestie too, such a kind girl, I hope her rainy days are soon over, I hope she will be strong when I'm gone next year. Well, of course she will, but it is in my nature to be worried over the slightest of details, isn't it now?