Animi

I wonder what's on your mind.

Unanswered questions I want to ask, but I don't know how to start.

Thoughts race through my head when I go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning.

What am I to you?

HP :)

So yesterday was pretty awesome. Let's recap:

Vietnamese heritage thing at Kelley Park was today. Mom made me wake up super early (at 8) so we can go. I thought I wouldn't be able to wake up because I was talking on the phone until 4 in the morning with Jennifer. We were just talking about random stuff, but I really enjoy my time with her since we can talk about anything. I mean, I can't believe that four hours just went by so fast. Well anyways, we went at 8 and the place was still setting up (like I told her it was going to be) so we went driving around. We came back at 10 and walked around. The opening act for the Chinese Dragon Dance was an Aztec Dance. I clapped extra loud because there was sparse applause for them. I mean, their dance looked very mystifying and their headdress and such was very grand; it was made of peasant feathers and one of them (the leader I think?) had eagle feather. Well we left when the mariachi started to play since we had been there for awhile at that point. Did I mention that they fed us hot dogs? Very Vietnamese. Well, they did a pretty good dragon dance and also there was a Cambodian dancer that was doing her hand signs and bending stuff. I thought that was very hypnotic as well. 

Move night at my house. The theme? Harry Potter, the guys and I were planning on watching every one of them before the 6th one comes out. So we got through two movies, one and two obviously. I was so nervous for the peeps to come over, but everything went well. I mean, minus my brother who made it the more difficult to stay at the spot where I was sitting. There was popcorn, and waffles, and french toast, and whatever my mom made us to eat, and soda, and sun chips, and ice cream. The spread was good. The guys had their own spot, hugging pillows and watching the movie. I was pretty comfy on the couch. I wouldn't forget that night for anything. It was awesome having my friends over. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Wo ai ni. :)

So after the guys left, I went straight to bed and found it quite easy to sleep. I woke up with that goofy smile on my face again. Haha. 

Sunset (Revised)

Today was the last day of school. Recapping my last day of high school:

• Espinosa didn't make us say our presentation in spanish!
• I got a copy of syrup!
• Crystal can karate kick?
• APES is over with. I ended it as a lovely flight attendant.
• Mora is over with as well though it wasn't as memorable.
• I returned O'Neil's calculator.
• Foehr's test was pretty easy.

So then after school Annie and I went to the Engineering class' boat race thing and team 3 won. Team 4 had some technical difficulties but that was okay since they still tried really hard to get their boat to work. At the end, it was found that if they went the other way, it woulda worked better. Then we went to APES and Annie braved herself and ate some seafood. My, I will miss her dearly now. I'll keep in touch though so no time for tears. I ended APES on a good note and got my shirt (TABOOMA!). Annie had to leave before the festivities started though so yea...I really wanted her to stay so we can laugh and have a good time. After that, I went to Kelley Park with the guys. It was rather cold so I wasted no time in wearing my APES shirt. I really like it. I really do. Dress shirt on top of that when the weather got even more chilly, we headed towards the friendship garden. My shoes were slowly killing my feet.

My, what a beautiful garden. I haven't been there for awhile and the lack of koi fish made me sad. There wasn't that usual fishy smell either which told me that, indeed, the fishies were really gone. I still loved the water moving. It calmed me and I didn't think of anything at all. I took a small walk to John as well when we went to find David and we talked a bit. John brings me peace of mind at crucial moments when I need it. So I thank him for that. We loafed around the picnic tables for awhile when we found David before going to find our place to watch the sunset. So off we went again, following the railroad tracks, and my shoes were still killing my feet.

I walked with Kelly and David since no one else was waiting for them and Icould keep their pace easier with my current foot condition. It was nice just walking next to them since I don't usually do that. I glimpsed the setting sun at the fence with John. I was frowning since the day was soon ending and John made me smile. He didn't want to see me sad, and I didn't want to be sad on the last day either. So I smiled because I wanted to. When I saw the sunset, behind those trees and those other trees, I was taken aback. I've never really seen a sunset before. Not like just go somewhere to specifically watch a sunset, so I was really absorbing in the moment. The clouds were painted with reds, then blue, then purple lined with a thin layer of pink. It was beautiful. The ending of day, the beginning of night; the ending of high school, the beginning of the rest of our lives. Those four words now have such a big meaning. The rest of our lives. Wows. I wished on the sunset. I didn't wish for anything selfish, just that we could one day go back there together and look at it again. I don't think that's an entirely bad wish. I was wishing, and he called me back to reality. It was time to go and once again, my shoes stated gnawing at my feet.

So then I went into thought again. I wonder where we would be a few years from now. I mean, sure I want to keep in touch with everyone, but how can I make myself be remembered? I mean, I'll bet someone will remember me but the very essence of that memory will be flawed as the mind has to input data into the holes that form over time, making the person that you once knew someone that your mind created. Then when you see them again, they disappoint you since they weren't the same person you perceived in your head. Does that make any sense at all? Something like that though. I don't want my memories to be tainted like that; I just want to remember everyone as they were. He was this, she was that. I want to remember every little thing everyone has ever done to me. Wows, that sounds like brain overload right there. I don't think I could ever do that, but I want to, because everyone is so precious to me. I don't want to forget what they meant to me at this peak. So I'll try my best to remember them as they are, and hold them close to my heart so they will never start to fade. All that thinking made me quite hungry actually. I wish I had brought money, I really don't like borrowing from anyone, especially if they never expect to see their money again. 

We reached the cars and I remembered him fixing the  dress shirt before I went into Ronny's car and sat, squeezed next to Gerrimae and Timothy, off to Whimsical and Subway. I always remember the little things that he does. I wonder if that's a bad thing or a good thing. Does it even mean anything? I was thinking that as I sat squeezed. I forgot to return his dress shirt. Well I've never eaten yogurt at any place, so Whimsical I went and got Kiwi Strawberry. I lacered it with caramel drops and cherries. What a weird combination of delight. After that, we went to Subway and I got chicken noodle soup. I was in the mood for soup not sandwiches. Haha...

Me: Where is Geronny gonna sit?

Hector: Geronny?

Me: Yea, Gerrie and Ronny, I just randomly put their names together.

Hector: Oh! Over there, and if they get married, they should name their kid Moe.

Me/Timothy: What?

Hector: So they can be Geronny Moe!

There was a cop watching us. He ate at subway and I think he saw us fit six to a car. So Ronny only took me home. Gerrie came along for the ride. I really wish that I was friends with Gerrie longer. I don't know. Funny how things work out and then somehow they go around. What comes around goes around yanno? What comes around indeed. Well here I am blogging about my last day and I feel pretty good about it. I loved today. Thanks to everyone who made it special. Thanks to John for making me feel awesome today and watched the sunset with me until the clouds turned purple. Thanks for the dress shirt. Thanks for the meal Hector. Like the chicken noodle soup, you made me feel warm and fuzzy inside too. I am filled with gratitude and love for all of you. :) I'm going to miss you all...

Predictable

There's only three more days of school left and there's so much I want to do yet everyone is running around doing their finals, and I understand because I have to do that too, but I wish there was more time to just hang; summer may provide that escape, but who knows at this point when we will see each other once more. There are some things I want to accomplish before the year is over:

• Get my driver's license. This one is pretty straight forward since it is going to be a necessity that I get a car and learn my way around. I can't imagine not having one with my mom in one place and I in another.
• Say everything that I wanted to say but never did. This too is quite straightforward. I'm such a thought-filled person, and thoughts have been bottled up for four years or more so I really need to get them out in order to really have everything lifted from my shoulders before I go. Well, at least I've already gotten the biggest thought that I've been suppressing and hiding out, if that counts for anything. Saying everything will be hard though, as I fear sharing my thoughts as it gives people more arsenal to hurt me with in the future.
• Tell everyone close to me how much they mean to me in a creative form. This one, I will be quite vague since usually, only those people that care about me would read my blogs anyways. If you are a stranger, sorry to disappoint you, maybe I will post something in a later blog. If you are a friend, you'll just have to see.
• Watch the sunset over the horizon somewhere. I think I should, one day, around this week, go to where I can see the sunset clearly and watch the sun make the last stretch of its day journey. Sunset at this point in my life represents the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another, and thus, I find it only just that I should want to see the chapter close myself. Or maybe I just want to watch the sunset. 

There are probably more things I want to do but I can't really think of anything else at the moment. There's been so much turmoil these past couple of days as well. I wish I had the capacity and the ability to help everyone. I wish I actually could do something else instead of providing a listening ear. But, what could I possibly do?

Patience as been one of my strongest virtues and I wonder if it is forcing me to once again wait. I, being a quick person do not like to slow down for anyone or anything, but when I feel as though I should because the results would benefit me or them in the end, then I will. Why should I wait this time? I've always had bad timing. But right now, it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe I really am starting to lose it. Karma can be a bitch. 

Time to start my day. I don't want to start it off so glum and thought-filled, but these days, I sleep to one thought and wake up in the middle of another. I like to think though, silence in the head can't result in anything good over a long term period. Of course, a little silence in one's head is also favorable from time to time.

Still, off I go, once again wearing nothing but my heart on my sleeves.