There's a place on ocean avenue...

So today was the beach trip. It started out slow, I mean first I was wondering why we left so late, but once we got on the road, the adventure began. Met Jonamir and we won the alphabet game in the car. I think it was because Hector gave us the Ques in Antiques (well it was technically a word since the 'ti' was missing). We arrived at the beach and yea, set up shop. The rest of our party came and eventually we all conjugated together.

The ocean was so vast. Remember the hill I was talking about in an earlier post? Well that was nothing compared to how I feel about the ocean. I love the ocean actually. Being a water sign, I felt quite at home in the ocean. I didn't like the jellyfishes though, but after they disappeared, I went skipping and jumping into the waves. I mean it was cold and my hands and feet turned numb, but I didn't feel anything. It was quite refreshing actually and I didn't feel anything until I got out of the water for good and went to change. Then suddenly it turned too cold for me and I no longer wanted to go back into the water, it hurt to walk. But the allure of the ocean remains. Then we huddled together for warmth. And I felt so warm. :) The ride however consisted of Hector and me belting songs over and over again. Ronny joined in whenever he wanted to. In 'N Out came into our night and we sat there for an hour doing nothing and it felt good. The entire trip was so good to me. I'm sure other people don't agree, but I had a good time and the memories are going to be preserved. Forever and ever in my heart.

Silencer

Haven't slept at night for a long while. Usually I fall asleep after midnight nowadays and been stealing some rest time in class. I need to stop doing that, it's unhealthy. Today was Junior Exchange banquet and it was memorable. Not because I got a cord, not because I got food, it was memorable because I got to sit on top of the world with my best friend and breathe. We didn't even have to talk or anything, we just sat there listening to her phone play song after song and sang when we knew the lyrics, looked blankly out towards the horizon when we didn't. I stared towards the horizon, basked in the morning sun, and my breath escaped. I've been higher and seen more places, but at this point in my life, it was enough to make me feel moved. The feeling was as wonderful as I could describe. The feeling of not having to think as I stared out into the open space; the feeling that no one needs you at the very moment and you have a few sacred seconds to revel in emptiness.

The horizon looked so close when I stared out. It made me wonder if we live in such a small world after all. Then, I look at all the houses that are between me and the horizon and realize how far away we are. How far away I'll be and the enormity of the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. But I felt nothing at that very moment, still reveling in the welcomed silence of the world and the silence in my head. And then her phone rang and we had to scurry back to the banquet area where everyone clapped like polite machines for people who got certificates and cords. I yearn for that silence again, the chance to give into idleness and not think for awhile.

Painting today took almost forever to do as I had to duplicate the same shade of blue over and over again while I had to make sure that the greens were not the same over and over again. It seems I am not cut out for painting. That I will not accept and if I ever have the chance to paint something else, would gladly take up the offer until I finally get it right. And mark my word, I will get it right one day.

I look forward to the beach trip tomorrow. I want to see everyone having fun. There's been so much this and so much that lately that I feel like a trip away from everything seems appropriate. I await it with bated breath. It seems like a good day to smile and laugh genuinely. I need to remember to remind them to bring my camera. I want to save this memory forever and a day more. I want to remember what happened, and even if it doesn't turn out exactly the way I see it in my head, I won't let anything ruin the day. My mind needs a rest.

The silence tempts me.

The Last Day of the Second to the Last Week

So I finished it at last. It took me two days even though I was given a whole week (or something around there in case I miscalculated) to finish and now I can rest. Well I'm sure after everything I've written, it doesn't mean anything at all, and there won't be anything to say at all, but I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my chest. I've been given the opportunity to put everything that I feel out there and everything that I have stored in my head in the form of thoughts are laid out on the table waiting for someone -daring for them- to get a better hand. Now I feel as though there's nothing left to say. Like I can slowly start breathing again and was holding my breath the last few weeks waiting to see what would happen; would I sink or swim?

I am still treading waters. I am still skating on thin ice.

And I don't even know it

So my friend told me why my other friend was acting all weird around me. It kind of makes me laugh since it never occurred to me that way. I mean, I guess I'm just over-friendly by nature. I don't want to give someone the impression that I'm desperate or that I'm trying too hard or something since I really am not. I just want to be myself and yea. x) I guess I do come on strong or something so I should really watch what I do and say nowadays, especially with only one more week of school left.