4 in the Morning

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in, it's all over me.

Well, I didn't get some rest until four in the morning when I felt the pang of sleep take me at last. I was up talking to friends, and thinking thoughts that I only think at night. Well, let's see:

1. North Korea is planning to attack us? Oh god. Great. I hope it's nothing, but still, I'm not really sure how to take it. War has never been close to home before. I don't think I would survive it. The very notion of hiding from nuclear weapons would make me dream about the worst case scenario. They should just stand down and take those peace talks. In this turbid times, a war on our nation is going to take its toll.
   
2. I wonder what was the matter with him last night. I shouldn't be one to pry into his business, as he would tell me if he wanted to. Therefore, I do not pry. I did think about it though.
3. Financial aid is still not posted for me yet. This concerns me.

Three thoughts that should mean nothing to me. Still, I think my carefree days are long gone. I'm not a kid anymore, why should I fear war. Maybe I worry too much over him to suffocate. I should stop. Last, my financial aid will come, sooner or later, or else I will have to choose a different school. That's really the only thing I have to worry about right now. The only think I should worry about right now.

Lately I've been trying to be distant. As in, I don't talk much to him, I don't start conversations, I do my own thing. Why? I don't really know. I guess I don't want to fall deeper. If I don't talk to him much, if I don't pay attention to every detail, then I won't have to think all the time. Still, it's hard to stay at a certain distance because my heart doesn't want to. My head wants me to, but of course, when my head and heart struggle, my heart always win. I guess, staying away is not an option.