Wizards

So, once again, the guys came over for another Harry Potter marathon smashed in with a couple of games of brawl. We had more food this time, the lasagna took forever to cook but it was alright. We got pizza afterward because watching Harry Potter makes you hungry. Haha. There was ice cream this time too! I really needed the ice cream. I mean, running around cleaning and all made me feel a bit dizzy. But that's to be expected, I do have low blood sugar after all, so the ice cream helped. Still, I wouldn't drink the soda and I don't think I would start again.

Cleaning was rather interesting as well! I've never really cleaned so much, but it was fine because it was for my friends. I mean, all those forks stabbed me a couple of times (I'm rather clumsy) and I had to run to the garbage dump a few times, but it was worth it to see all my friends together and having fun! That was my goal. Mission accomplished hopefully.

Hope! I have to stop saying that word now. Woke up early once again to such a hopeful dream. I don't need that right now. I mean, in said dream, I got a job and also what I wanted. But I must remember that I'm living in the realm of reality and such wishful dreams will only make matters worse. I feel like an addict getting over their addiction. Withdrawal is still painful. No, I shouldn't compare it to that, he's not an addiction, but so much more. My good friend questions how I feel, but sometimes, I question why I feel this way as well. If it hurts, it's real right? I try to act as normal as possible around him, but he should know better to throw a heart gesture at me. I know it's a friendly gesture that he does with everyone, but he knows how I feel. That hurts. Like my friend said, hopefully I would get the answers to all my questions. I might even get to know exactly how deep I feel or how shallow. My god, I hope that I'm not shallow in this thought of him. Then again, it has already reached beyond the epidermis of my skin and sank into my core. If I can hurt this much, this feeling has to be deep.

I need a job to get some cash, get my mind off things, that would be most appreciated. I mean, I don't know how I will get to the work place, I can always walk, but another friend mentioned that walking for an unpaid hour can add up. I wish Uncle Jun was home so there would be two cars and not just one that my mom takes to work everyday. I can't bother anyone with the thought of driving me to work everyday too. I was thinking that if I managed to get a job somewhere, I would take the bus. Course, I'm terribly afraid of it being late, or I being late and missing it, or what not. Also, I have not discussed the issue with my mother. I know she doesn't want me to work, but I seriously need to gain some experience in that field and get out in the world. Then I wouldn't have to be so dependent on her anymore. I need to start spreading my wings out and take the first flap in flight.

Today is John's party so I'll have to get ready for that. He lives near the park that I swing at. I've been going out a lot to swing these days and I'm sure my fingers are all rough now from the dish soap and from the rusty swing handles. Well, I can't pass up this opportunity to go out and have some more fun. I mean, I'm sure my mom won't approve of me going out all the time, but there are worse scenarios and also I really don't want to give up any second with my friends that I can take since it's only a short time left before we say our good byes and depart to our respective colleges. I will miss everyone, but good thing CD is near me. I don't have to feel utterly alone.

Speaking of CD, thank you for being there for me in the sense that you can understand my predicament and give me a sense of calmness. I mean, it's not like the guys don't understand my feelings or anything, and I am filled with gratitude for them, but sometimes, I need a female companion to just be there for me as well. Girls and boys think differently so it's always nice to hear both sides. & Don't worry, I'm 100% straight so don't think otherwise. It's just that I needed a little comic relief, especially being that close to him. So thanks for lending me your sexy legs. Haha.