Abeo.

Just like that,
A gust of air
Disappeared,
And it's not fair.

First thoughts when I wake up. Decided that I needed to get my thoughts out. Especially after seeing this horoscope:
Admit it: You have a tendency to hold things in when you should let 'em out and let the chips fall where they may. Spilling the beans now is endorsed by the stars, and the feeling of relief you'll get is a reward in and of itself. As for what happens afterward, you'll need to relinquish your desire to control that too. Whatever will be, will be, and you'll handle it much more gracefully if you let it be.
Well, I guess I could let things be. Whatever happens will happen right? I don't know. I'm not used to just going with the flow. As they say: "Only dead fish go with the flow" and I believe that.

I asked, and I got my answers. Just, I wish that I wasn't right in my guesses. I'm willing to climb mountains. I'm willing to swim seas. But I can't do it if there's nothing on the other side for me. I'm scared of getting hurt, and you can only get hurt if you give them the ability to hurt you, when you put your heart out there, and like I've said earlier, I've been wearing my heart on my sleeves these days. I guess, it's my fault for why I'm sitting here now at 6 in the morning, unable to sleep because I had to go into think mode.

Speaking of which, been going into it a lot. I think about what happened, and I smile. Now if I think about what happened, it'll only make me sad. Quoting John: "I hate free samples of ice cream". Indeed I do. I was afraid of that too. Everything happens for a reason, so what are the reasons for that? You wanted to know what it would be like, but don't want to take the risk? I hate temptations. My feelings were out there, and I looked into your eyes, and I hoped that you felt what I felt at that moment. But I was hoping too much. If nothing had happened that day or the next, would my hopes be so high? I don't think so. But after the turn of events, it skyrocketed, because I didn't think you would do that just because. And after more turn of events, it's my fault that my hopes became a burning plane being driven by a drunk pilot, spiraling out of control.

Ice cream. You don't have to be my favorite flavor. You don't have to be any flavor. You can be waffles for all I care. Making lists about what they want in a boy, making expectations, for what? I don't consult it anyways. Quoting from you: "The heart wants what it wants." I wrote to you what I see in you, can't you see what you mean to me? Me, spending two days, two nights, to write to you about everything that I've felt. You might think that you're not worth my time, but I beg to differ. Why on earth would I do that now? I could have been studying, or working on my presentations. But I chose to take time out for you, because I think you're worth my time. You can argue with me, but I'm stubborn; you're worth it.

You know, I always have bad timing. Always bad timing. I never can catch anything at the right time. That's okay though, there's a reason I'm patient. Ha, I'm impatient too. I don't want to wait forever because I was ready to give my heart to you. I've been waiting so long to figure out my feelings. I've been wondering for so long why you're always in my thoughts. Why do I always refer back to you? It means something to me. Do you ever think of me? I mean, sure I may be a good friend, someone you can talk to whenever you have problems, I'll listen like I always do. But, I wonder if you ever see me in another light. I guess not.

So where do I go from here? Where is there to go? After last night, I wanted to just go to sleep and not dream, not think. But those thoughts of you always come back to me, and I woke to them yet again at such an early time. What should I do now? Look away and hide my feelings? That I can do quite easily. It just makes my heart sad to know that we were so close, and still so far. I almost thought I was going to be the luckiest girl in the world again. Stupid me huh?

Don't say you're a horrible person. Why do you always do that to yourself? You don't suck, you're not horrible. You're just you, and you told me the truth of the matter. What's the point of raising my hopes anymore right? Better I crash now then get to a higher altitude. The higher up I go, the further I fall. So why is my plane still in the sky? I guess I'm just that way. Pretty persistent. I must be some sick masochist if I keep this up. Then again, love hurts.

I'm lost still. But you can't kill my hopes for something more. Once you give me a free sample of ice cream, I'm going to want the full sundae.